Why Do People Behaving Badly Overshadow People Behaving Honorably?
Role models are people who inspire us, people we look up to with admiration and for direction. They are the pillars of society—people who are raised to prominence by their celebrity status, by their business acumen and philanthropy, by their achievements in social or political circles, by their success in the realms of sport and entertainment, and sometimes by a single life-changing event. To honor that role they massage their image by being mindful of their behavior. Unfortunately, they are overshadowed by the bad behavior of those who fail to live up to their role model status. After all, bad behavior frequently gains more notoriety and fame; and television exploits such behavior for ratings. For example, whenever a celebrity or prominent individual behaves badly (and some do, and they realize it, and they even apologize), we have talk show hosts who use that opportunity to add more kindling to the fire to enhance their ratings. What is wrong with this picture? It is like a wound that just keeps getting picked at so the sore stays open and will not heal. Society needs to heal its wounds so it can move on.
We have become a society that will do anything for attention and ratings. Scarier yet, too many people believe and feed off the tabloid headlines. Sadly, this will not change. Why does the greater attention need to focus on damaging behavior when there are so many people setting the better and more honorable example? Certainly honorable deeds get attention; but the attention tends to be short term.We see newscasters who act like judge and jury in interview situations to the point of pushing the interviewee to suicide. It is depressing and unsettling! Physical wounds heal; emotional wounds too often do not. And sometimes they drive individuals to addictions and worse.Too many reality shows pit one participant against another; they are relentless in tearing down a person’s character in front of millions of viewers without any hint of diplomacy or sensitivity. This provides damaging role models for impressionable young people. Fortunately there are reality television shows, such as “Dancing with the Stars,” that do exemplify great competitive social skills; but then again, etiquette has always been associated with ballroom dancing.
Unfortunately, there will always be television programming and tabloids and badly behaving celebrities who contribute to the ills of society. Only if more and more people focus on the positive aspects of behavior and become role models for others will society start to benefit. We need to recognize and respect positive role models and mentors and pay tribute to their qualities. And that is the purpose of this blog. When criticism is constructive and well-meaning, it produces winners. When it is damaging, it produces vindictive behavior. When kindness and consideration are exercised, it produces smiles and satisfaction and a sense of pride. There is nothing more rewarding than to observe or experience honorable behavior. It warms the soul and creates an inner feeling that is long term. Furthermore, societal influences have not only humored rudeness, but in many cases have raised rude behavior to acceptable status. It is up to each and every one of us to set the better example and redefine acceptable behavior by not feeding into the ratings game.
I invite you to use this blog opportunity to highlight your favorite roll model. It can be a celebrity, a prominent personality, or simply an everyday person. Choose the person who sets the best example for you, and state why you admire this individual.
Let’s do our part to overshadow bad behavior with honorable behavior by creating some “good behavior” ratings.
Who is your hero and why is he or she a positive role model?
The Petersen Report 
January 4, 2007 at 10:57 am |
My heros are everyday people who act honorably despite the social pressure to do what is easy and entertaining. The quiet people who continue to hold theselves to a high standards ethically without the need for applause, fanfare or peer approval are the people whom I chose to emulate. I don’t always hit the mark on a personal level but I recognize that it is a struggle and I hope that each day I get better at it.
Our society demands loud behavior – in-your-face tactics – in order to get noticed and make one’s mark. Unfortunately this leads to a game of social Texas Hold’em where everyone tries to beat others…while bystanders hold their breath to see who will come out on top. There is no 2nd place in our culture….only first place….and any means justifies the end. But look around there are still quiet doers in our midst….they aren’t extinct yet….they move with dignity and empathy in a screeching world.
January 11, 2007 at 1:10 pm |
Sports is the perfect arena for asking the question about bad behavior overshadowing good. The football player, for example, who goes overboard celebrating himself and taunting the crowd in the end zone after scoring a touchdown, or who stands over the player he’s just knocked down taunting him – these are typical examples of rude, bad behavior. When did notoriety rise above fame? Why do we give these guys so much attention? What kind of role models are these? Athletes who take drugs to win. Athletes who are known more for their aggression than their skill. What kind of role models are these? Businessmen and women who misrepresent their personal credentials, lie or falsify reports, or simply lord it over their employees. What kind of role models are these? If I could do one thing differently to be a better role model in my business, it would be to show personal and public appreciation to those people I supervise when they succeed at an important task. And do it more often. Sports is a funny business. But it is still possible, and I believe preferable, to demonstrate your athletic skills without belittling your opponent. Those are the athletes I enjoy watching. And my everyday heroes are those people who bring a level of commitment and care and kindness to their job that rubs off on those around them. They are a rare commodity.
January 11, 2007 at 6:34 pm |
I live in Trinidad and Tobago, where we too are inundated with the stories of celebrities behaving badly – whether they be from the world of movies, sports or politics…locally or globally. My concern is always, “why does the media, and in turn, the public, feed that frenzy, by continuing the issue ‘ad nauseum’. ” To my mind, more than with the celebrities themselves, the problem lies with the audiences, who seem to delight in lapping up every sordid detail about the person’s bad behavior.
It is against this backdrop, that I am pleased to nominate, as my hero, a thirteen year old girl, not known, I’m sure, to anyone reading this blog. Her name is Choc’late Alleyne, and she lives in my little island of Trinidad & Tobago, where, sadly, the crime rate has been soaring at an alarming rate, reminiscent of any large metropolis around the world.
Many of us adults, while we complain about the state of affairs, seem to throw our hands up in the air, in a sign of total powerlessness. Young Choc’late, however, has taken action by single-handedly engaging in a 5-day Public Fast, outside our National Library, where she continues to bring the matter to the public’s attention. This she achieves, by meeting and sharing her concerns, as well as her recommendations for solving the problem, with supporters and well-wishers (young & old), politicians, religous leaders, and most notably, the media.
In these times, when so many youth all over the world are referred to so disparagingly, as Generation X, one young person has decided to make a difference. And so, for the last few days at least, our local news has focused on something positive- something other than news about people behaving badly. And, from the overwhelming response that Choc’late’s been getting, it seems that we, as a people, are starved for news about good, wholesome, human beings, who must become our role models and those of the next generation.
January 12, 2007 at 1:52 pm |
I think it’s similar to the news… good news doesn’t “sell” when it’s time for the network Sweeps. The station that can find the horror story, tragedy or slander first gets the most viewers. Part of that newscast is the Sports reporting, celebrity watch, etc. that makes the best wisecrack at deviant behavior.
Fortunately the good guys benefit from the contrast. The key is to recognize and appreciate that the stage MUST be shared. If we shrink to the bad guys, we only hold them in higher esteem. Someone once said to me that they wanted to make a comment during my performance, but they didn’t want to “steal my thunder.” I replied, “You can’t steal my thunder. You can only share in my blessing.”
Never be overshadowed… take turns sharing the spotlight.
January 15, 2007 at 2:26 am |
Thank you for raising this issue. I was reflecting on this same topic while mourning the loss of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Every newscast had to mention his only major blunder, thus dimishing the great service he has done in the world of conservation. Even Barbara Walters dwelt on it during her interview with his widow and cohost, Teri Irwin. Given the number of years he was on the air, only one blunder is an amazing feat.
Teri and Steve Irwin are both wildlife heros, and media heroes in my book, for their gracious responses to these attacks, and their always gracious remarks when referring to guests on their show and even fellow wildlife warriors that had different views of saving the animals. They have been great rolemodels for the children tuning in to their program, and in my book, that alone is enough to raise them to hero status.
January 21, 2007 at 1:13 pm |
Since I am teaching a class on civility as well as etiquette and protocol, I have been seriously pondering all this. It scares me–it’s as if the world is just imploding and going more and more downhill. I wonder if there is even a way to change what is going on on a collective scale, ie, I’m beginning to think that we can only do it individually. And so, it seems to me that we need to find a way to re-introduce civility into our daily life, first starting individually, then passing it on personally. Or am I just being too idealistic?
February 2, 2007 at 12:20 pm |
I am amazed at the number of people who seemingly will do anything for attention. The ability to show off (whether in good or bad taste) is global (i.e., YouTube).
Coupled with a media eye hungry for scandal, programs that highlight every intimate details of celebrities’ lives, the inclusion of cameras in many cell phones, and the speed of the Internet, we have ready outlets for “exhibitionists” of many types. I use this term when referring to persons who exhibit bad behavior in public, or in such a way that it becomes public knowledge.
Perhaps in our increasingly-connected society, we have to pay a price for access to many useful things. That price is exposure to bad behavior, and it ubiquitous presence in the media.
Let’s face it – if “we” (meaning a good part of the public) didn’t like to see controversial behavior, there would be no reality shows. Even “American Idol” is interesting because of a certain judge’s remarks, and other judges’ reactions to them. We can even forgive some of their contestants’ outrageous antics, since this may be their only big-time portal to earning their 15 minutes of fame.
Sure, Chuck Barris, in his time, would have good-naturedly “gonged” these wannabe Idols off the stage — but some good number of viewers live for the trenchant remarks of a bad-boy (but not always wrong) judge. So, perhaps, a show like Idol is okay if you accept a little bit of questionable taste in the name of some (eventually) good taste in picking true talent.
But truly outrageous behavior will be in style as long as enough voyeurs are watching. Who, then, are my heroes? Those public figures who exhibit grace under pressure, patience when besieged by media or fans, or give of themselves to worthy causes for the right reasons. Using restraint (or one’s intelligence) really gets you noticed these days.
Having a good overall outlook, coupled with a sly sense of humor, can also mark a winner in my book. For example, actor Hugh Laurie plays a misanthropic, Vicodin-addicited doctor on “House”. Not a good role model. Yet, at his acceptance of the Golden Globe award in January, 2007, he acknowledged his crew while gently skewering other winners’ laudatory remarks.
He said, “I know everyone says they have a wonderful crew and logically that can’t be the case and they can’t all be wonderful. Somebody, somewhere, is working with a crew of drunken thieves. But it is not me; they are truly a wonderful collection of people, and I am privileged to spend my days in their company…”
To me, this is acceptable “bad” behavior. The craftiness, the slyness, the language of this humor is remarkable. But it gently sends up the canned speeches to which we’ve become accustomed, and sends a warm message of thanks to his production company. It also lets Mr. Laurie be “bad” but in a good, fun kind of way.
I’d really like to see more examples of this “good” taste within the realm of bad taste. I hope it’s out there — I’ll be watching!
P.S. I really liked Mr. King’s quote above (“You can’t steal my thunder. You can only share in my blessing.”) I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Fredrickson’s feelings towards “people who bring a level of commitment and care and kindness to their job that rubs off on those around them.” And a thank-you to Ms. Jurich for acknowledging the “quiet doers” around us.
February 7, 2007 at 9:56 am |
The latest news about our lady astronaut gone astray is a prime example of bad news that now casts a cloud over those remarkable people. That is “juicy” news that will overshadow anything good that people are doing today. What should be news, but isn’t, are the countless things that people are doing in the U.S. and in developing countries to make the world a better place!
February 7, 2007 at 1:16 pm |
I am most inspired by those that are working to make a difference in the world, whether it be through their music, words, or work. I also admire the trailblazers who either don’t see any limitations and/or who are just visionary. There are countless people, famous and unknown. A few of my favorites are Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Richard Branson, Bono, Nelson Mandela, Bob Gedlof, Marvin Gaye, John Lennon, Stevie Wonder, Jacques Cousteau, William McDonough (eco architect), Andy Goldsworthy (artist), John Stewart, Peter Weir (filmmaker) and many more.
I agree with Gary above. I liked Hugh Laurie’s acceptance speech. He has a great sense of humor. I don’t watch House, but I admire Hugh’s honesty. I am tired off people thanking god at the Academy Awards – sometimes it is authentic and many times it is not.
I admire people who are authentically themselves, even if I don’t necessarily agree with some of the other things they do. Who doesn’t like Jack Nicholson? He makes you laugh and he his an incredible actor. He still acts like his is 20 but that is his charm.
March 12, 2007 at 3:36 am |
I have personal experience whether in corporate world or in society at large, ; life becomes vry difficult and is a test of tolerance and patience but I refuse to budge from honorable behaviour. This leads to higher confidence levels, gives oneself the courage to speak the truth and conduct honestly in day to day life. The struggle is immense but at the end of the day u feel nice.
April 28, 2007 at 8:35 am |
Several years ago, here in Great Britain, a Reverend gentleman started a new club called The Polite Society. It was given good press coverage and from time to time made a small impact.
However, as behavioural problems increased, drinks and drugs consumption escalated, with more and more disinterested and slack parents, I don’t think the Society means anything any more….
What is needed is top-down strategies from leaders in business, the churches and dare I say it, government. Start young, rather than too late. Include behavioural, ettiquette and protocol selection criteria in selection interviews – whether for job entry or promotion. But let it be broadcast for all to know and anticipate.
February 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm |
Our society has become much more crass, impatient, rude and the list could go on at great length. I am less concerned with what celebrities do however I am very concerned with the public discourse in the political arena.
When I lived in San Francisco you were figuratively and literally ostricized if you did not toe the line with political correctness. When I expressed a view different from the norms I was verbally attacked. This was not the case until recent years and it is damaging to our society as a whole.
Differing views and the ability to express them make us stronger as a society but that does not seem to be valued currently
My hope is this is just a cycle, and we will return to a time when a Democrat and Republican can disagree but discuss and learn from each other.