International Conflict Resolution Day

Today, October 15^th, is International Conflict Resolution Day. Begun in 2005 by the Association for Conflict Resolution, organizations around the world are holding events on the third Thursday of October to promote awareness of creative means of resolving conflict and to celebrate significant contributions towards this effort. What can we do to resonate with this movement toward creating peaceful relationships?

The first step to handling conflict is to handle people (and situations) by identifying what you can control and what you cannot control. Learn conflict motivations by understanding real concerns. Your attitude should always be positive and helpful, with integrity intact. 

Realize that while some people avoid confrontation, others relish in it. The reasons are typically two-fold: (1) insecurity and (2) over-reacting. Because confrontations are too often unavoidable, the best defense is to be prepared and handle them diplomatically and with finesse. Someone has to be in the control seat in order for a conflict to be resolved.

Three ground rules for handling confrontations to help get you started:

1.  Never initiate a confrontation in an open area. Choose a private place and appropriate time. Remain sensitive to the other person’s circumstances (e.g., Is there an unrelated issue stirring in the background?). Do not blame. Focus on fixing the problem using non-damaging words or phrases. Keep in mind that physical wounds heal, however, damaging words are harder to heal and sometimes never do heal. If you request a private one-on-one to resolve a situation and they refuse, let it go. You will be remembered for having made the effort.

2.  State your case in terms of your feelings instead of using an attack method. Use a controlled tone of voice. Try to correct the situation without criticizing. Find a win-win answer and focus on defusing the situation.

3.  Realize that some conflicts are healthy if managed well. Some people need to vent; however, the “venting” needs to be channeled correctly. This is accomplished by identifying the conflict as a behavior, rather than as a person, and communicating the need or concern in a controlled manner. To totally avoid a conflict, you take the risk of building resentment. Find other options. Be open. Agree on the actions to be taken to resolve the situation or problem. Map out a strategy to heal the situation.

Office politics, personal agendas, and personality differences can all ignite a confrontation. When addressing concerns, it is important to discuss the situation in a civil manner, consider or activate possible solutions, and then move on. If you add kindling to the fire, you risk igniting instead of diminishing the conflict.

Make every day a conflict resolution day! Offer your advice on how to resolve conflict or share your thoughts on how someone helped you resolve a conflict. Perhaps you observed an effective conflict resolution. Tell us how it was handled and why it made such an impression on you.

Thank you!

Hit the Restart Button: Apologize!

To err is human, to forgive divine.
Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism
English poet & satirist (1688 – 1744)

Have you ever apologized to a chair because you bumped into it or apologized for the rain? Sound silly? Well, most of us have done this very thing. You do not apologize for the rain! It is not within your control. And, objects do not care. It is important to take responsibility for your mistakes, but do not apologize for what you have no control over.

An apology gains respect and demonstrates a strong character that values people and their opinions. When an apology is warranted, it should be given without hesitation. While some people fear looking weak or oversensitive if they apologize, there are other individuals who never have and never will apologize because they are too consumed with blaming the other person. Avoiding an apology is an obvious sign of a weak character or low self-esteem.

JOIN OUR CAMPAIGN FOR CIVILITY

From Politics and Business to Our Personal Life . . . Civility is certainly not a new issue and it is something that involves both language and behavior. In fact, every generation has had concerns about civility. Perhaps it is more pertinent today because uncivil behavior (or the lack of civility) has been humored and allowed for too long and gets too much attention from the media and television programming. What if uncivil behavior received no or little attention (i.e., it was ignored or given that disapproving “look”) and civil behavior received approving smiles, accolades, and appreciation? Isn’t it natural for people to act in the way that gains for them the most attention?

Admittedly there are and always will be those who love behaving inappropriately or being a bully; for some strange reason it gives them joy. Feeding this behavior is like adding kindling to a fire. But what if you ignored the behavior? Obviously, this is easier said than done. However, the one who stays in control builds stronger character and is the one that is admired.

What Guides Your Moral Code?

In a recent issue of the Parade magazine, carried by the Arizona Daily Sun (Section: Personality Parade Q&A), the Q&A addressed this issue: “In Hollywood’s Golden Age, films had morals clauses written into contracts to ensure that stars maintained acceptable standards of behavior. A contract could be terminated if it was learned that a star violated the morals clause. Unfortunately, today’s Hollywood has no such standards, acceptable or otherwise.” What has happened?

 

Do you recall when movies were censored for inappropriate language and explicit sexual content? This was also a time when profanity and obscenity were considered vulgar (or lower class) behaviors. Has the right to free speech allowed society inappropriate license in areas of morality and standards of behavior? This is certainly not a new question. However, it really makes one wonder how much the lack of moral standards (as once exemplified by Hollywood’s morals clauses) has damaged society. Although many people still adhere to a personal code of conduct that comes from time-honored behavioral expectations, a large percent of society has become rule adverse. Witness the sports figures, successful business leaders, and national politicians who have recently fallen from grace because of poor moral choices.

 

We are curious . . .  to what degree do you think that in today’s “nothing is sacred” mindset does the lack of moral codes of conduct contribute to the tainting of vulnerable young minds or the damaging of reputations and careers.

 

Are we left to be our own arbiters of moral correctness or should there by a standard to which everyone is called to adhere?

 

Should moral standards be enforceable and if yes, where should they be instituted?

 

What is your opinion?  (Voice your opinion and offer your solution.)