Detouring Gossip

“When physical wounds heal, we move on;
emotional wounds, however, can last a lifetime.”

R. G. LeTourneau is known for his enormous earth-moving machines. One of his products was known simply by the name, “Model G.” A prospective buyer, hoping to stump a salesman asked, “What does the ‘G’ stand for?” “I guess the ‘G’ stands for gossip” was the salesman’s quick reply. “Because, like gossip, this machine moves a lot of dirt, and moves it fast!” (Source: Joe Stowell, Our Daily Bread)

Gossip is defined as idle talk or rumor about the private affairs of others. There always has and always will be gossipers. No doubt about it, very little good comes from gossip. In fact, gossip always leaves behind a victim. I could make a laundry list of risks and hurts; however, what is more important is how to effectively detour gossip or put out the gossip flame. After all, it is the professional and kind thing to do.

Unfortunately, gossip sells! Tabloids are notorious for twisting and turning a fact into misleading gossip because people love to read the “dirt” on someone. Publishers will tell you that it can take up to 18 months to turn a manuscript into a book and get it to the bookstores. Yet, a “tell all” book authored by a famous person or popular celebrity will be out in a matter of a few months. Gossip is a career choice. Advice columnists need gossip. If handled effectively, it can even work to benefit and not to harm. Then there is the Internet, which has taken the spread of gossip to an unrestrained degree.

It is a known fact that those who gossip are untrustworthy and should be avoided. It turns friends into enemies, and destroys business or career opportunities. Yet, the gossip temptation is too strong to resist for many. Why? For some it has simply become a habit and they cannot help themselves, while others use gossip to intentionally destroy a reputation. The reasons are numerous.

Gossip happens! So how do you detour away from it? Probably, the best way is by ignoring it. However, this is easier said than done. Regardless of where or how the gossip originates, the damage is done, and it is almost impossible to repair.

What do you do to detour gossip?

1. When someone starts to share a bit of gossip, how do you detour him or her without creating an uncomfortable moment?

2. What techniques can you employ to repair gossip damage?

3. When the temptation is too strong to resist, what steps should you take to ensure that the damaging information received (or read) is in fact accurate?

We need your insights and tips to share with our readers. Please offer your experiences at detouring damaging comments – what works for you or, perhaps, what has not worked? Post your thoughts.

Helpful Gossip Link: www.wordscanheal.org  “Words Can Heal” is all about fighting gossip and teaching people, especially children, about how words can be so hurtful and damaging.

International Conflict Resolution Day

Today, October 15^th, is International Conflict Resolution Day. Begun in 2005 by the Association for Conflict Resolution, organizations around the world are holding events on the third Thursday of October to promote awareness of creative means of resolving conflict and to celebrate significant contributions towards this effort. What can we do to resonate with this movement toward creating peaceful relationships?

The first step to handling conflict is to handle people (and situations) by identifying what you can control and what you cannot control. Learn conflict motivations by understanding real concerns. Your attitude should always be positive and helpful, with integrity intact. 

Realize that while some people avoid confrontation, others relish in it. The reasons are typically two-fold: (1) insecurity and (2) over-reacting. Because confrontations are too often unavoidable, the best defense is to be prepared and handle them diplomatically and with finesse. Someone has to be in the control seat in order for a conflict to be resolved.

Three ground rules for handling confrontations to help get you started:

1.  Never initiate a confrontation in an open area. Choose a private place and appropriate time. Remain sensitive to the other person’s circumstances (e.g., Is there an unrelated issue stirring in the background?). Do not blame. Focus on fixing the problem using non-damaging words or phrases. Keep in mind that physical wounds heal, however, damaging words are harder to heal and sometimes never do heal. If you request a private one-on-one to resolve a situation and they refuse, let it go. You will be remembered for having made the effort.

2.  State your case in terms of your feelings instead of using an attack method. Use a controlled tone of voice. Try to correct the situation without criticizing. Find a win-win answer and focus on defusing the situation.

3.  Realize that some conflicts are healthy if managed well. Some people need to vent; however, the “venting” needs to be channeled correctly. This is accomplished by identifying the conflict as a behavior, rather than as a person, and communicating the need or concern in a controlled manner. To totally avoid a conflict, you take the risk of building resentment. Find other options. Be open. Agree on the actions to be taken to resolve the situation or problem. Map out a strategy to heal the situation.

Office politics, personal agendas, and personality differences can all ignite a confrontation. When addressing concerns, it is important to discuss the situation in a civil manner, consider or activate possible solutions, and then move on. If you add kindling to the fire, you risk igniting instead of diminishing the conflict.

Make every day a conflict resolution day! Offer your advice on how to resolve conflict or share your thoughts on how someone helped you resolve a conflict. Perhaps you observed an effective conflict resolution. Tell us how it was handled and why it made such an impression on you.

Thank you!

Hit the Restart Button: Apologize!

To err is human, to forgive divine.
Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism
English poet & satirist (1688 – 1744)

Have you ever apologized to a chair because you bumped into it or apologized for the rain? Sound silly? Well, most of us have done this very thing. You do not apologize for the rain! It is not within your control. And, objects do not care. It is important to take responsibility for your mistakes, but do not apologize for what you have no control over.

An apology gains respect and demonstrates a strong character that values people and their opinions. When an apology is warranted, it should be given without hesitation. While some people fear looking weak or oversensitive if they apologize, there are other individuals who never have and never will apologize because they are too consumed with blaming the other person. Avoiding an apology is an obvious sign of a weak character or low self-esteem.

Handbags and Other Pretentious (or Annoying) Table Situations

Have you ever attended a luncheon or dinner event only to find a woman’s oversized handbag – designer or not – as your luncheon or dinner partner? To add to the dilemma, you probably noticed last-minute arrivals walk past this chair looking for a seat and assuming that the handbag signified the chair was being saved. Unfortunately, this happens at almost all events, business and social. A woman will put her handbag on the chair next to her or a man will put his computer bag on the chair next to him as if to create a make-shift desk.

JOIN OUR CAMPAIGN FOR CIVILITY

From Politics and Business to Our Personal Life . . . Civility is certainly not a new issue and it is something that involves both language and behavior. In fact, every generation has had concerns about civility. Perhaps it is more pertinent today because uncivil behavior (or the lack of civility) has been humored and allowed for too long and gets too much attention from the media and television programming. What if uncivil behavior received no or little attention (i.e., it was ignored or given that disapproving “look”) and civil behavior received approving smiles, accolades, and appreciation? Isn’t it natural for people to act in the way that gains for them the most attention?

Admittedly there are and always will be those who love behaving inappropriately or being a bully; for some strange reason it gives them joy. Feeding this behavior is like adding kindling to a fire. But what if you ignored the behavior? Obviously, this is easier said than done. However, the one who stays in control builds stronger character and is the one that is admired.

How to Handle Awkward Interview Questions Diplomatically

It is well known that certain questions (e.g., religion, politics, family, disability) cannot “legally” be asked of a job applicant, which can make the screening process sensitive. There will be times, however, when an interviewer crosses the line, whether intentionally or unknowingly, and tries to trick you into answering these questions. Be open to the fact that even though the interviewer asks an illegal question, it does not necessarily mean that the intent was to discriminate.

The manner in which you respond to an interview question should demonstrate your emotional and social intelligence skills. First and foremost, do not be defensive. Always respond in the most diplomatic way possible; be tactful and use finesse. Your facial expression, tone, and posture will speak louder than the words you select. Do not show “visual” discomfort, arrogance, or intimidation. The way you answer must fit your personality, so before the interview practice answering improper questions with a friend or an interview consultant.

CELL PHONE TIPS, COURTESIES, AND DILEMMAS

 

We conducted a survey on cell phone and Bluetooth usage and asked the following questions:

 

1.   How is the misuse addressed in your workplace?

2.   Share a humorous experience or observation.

3.   How are companies (domestic and international) eliminating the misuse?

4.   Offer a “courteous user” kudo.

 

The results of this initial survey are on our website newsletter at

http://www.globalprotocol.com/03a%20PassportToPower.htm

(You will enjoy the video clip on Bluetooth usage at a restaurant.)

 

The “Wall Street Journal” ( Tuesday, July 29, 2008 ) states that job candidates are turning off hiring managers with their too-casual text speak when responding to career opportunities on mobile devices. What is your opinion?

 

We invite you to share your thoughts on this blog.

What Guides Your Moral Code?

In a recent issue of the Parade magazine, carried by the Arizona Daily Sun (Section: Personality Parade Q&A), the Q&A addressed this issue: “In Hollywood’s Golden Age, films had morals clauses written into contracts to ensure that stars maintained acceptable standards of behavior. A contract could be terminated if it was learned that a star violated the morals clause. Unfortunately, today’s Hollywood has no such standards, acceptable or otherwise.” What has happened?

 

Do you recall when movies were censored for inappropriate language and explicit sexual content? This was also a time when profanity and obscenity were considered vulgar (or lower class) behaviors. Has the right to free speech allowed society inappropriate license in areas of morality and standards of behavior? This is certainly not a new question. However, it really makes one wonder how much the lack of moral standards (as once exemplified by Hollywood’s morals clauses) has damaged society. Although many people still adhere to a personal code of conduct that comes from time-honored behavioral expectations, a large percent of society has become rule adverse. Witness the sports figures, successful business leaders, and national politicians who have recently fallen from grace because of poor moral choices.

 

We are curious . . .  to what degree do you think that in today’s “nothing is sacred” mindset does the lack of moral codes of conduct contribute to the tainting of vulnerable young minds or the damaging of reputations and careers.

 

Are we left to be our own arbiters of moral correctness or should there by a standard to which everyone is called to adhere?

 

Should moral standards be enforceable and if yes, where should they be instituted?

 

What is your opinion?  (Voice your opinion and offer your solution.)

 

Personal Power

Do You Project Positive or Negative Power?

Achieving power requires understanding power – what it is, how it works, who has it, and when to use it. Power should enable you to achieve your goals, and not just your own goals but those of others as well. It is the insecure person who uses power to manipulate and destroy in order to achieve their goals. We see this kind of power demonstrated, unfortunately, on several television reality shows, which quite mistakenly send the message that powerful people are people who use fear tactics, people who are devious, manipulative, cold-hearted, and ruthless. Although some do achieve success with these tactics, they possess what we call negative power. Positive power is free of manipulation. 

Powerful people who are not manipulative are well liked, regardless of age, gender, or culture. They realize that they will not be able to please everyone; and they do not expect total agreement on every action or idea. Personalities vary! In fact, the more powerful you become, the more you will disappoint, displease, and even anger others at times. The key is to maintain respect! For example, people may not like your ideas but they respect your approach.

Business Dress

Do We Need Dress Codes?

Dressing for work was once a simple blue-collar and white-collar decision.  Dress codes took the guesswork out of dressing by giving us direction.  You always knew what was or was not appropriate.  And you always knew who the decision makers were by their selection and quality of clothing.  This has changed in most industries with the popularity of business casual, and the new roles of management.  In fact, many organizations have renamed their managers “team leaders,” and casual dress is the norm for all levels.  The business dress line started to blur during the recession of the late 1980s and early 1990s when a record number of companies were “downsizing.”  The “casual Friday” custom was instituted as a way to build morale at a time when pink slips were rampant.  Eventually, casual dress became the norm for the entire week at many companies.  The risk was in the interpretation, especially during warmer weather and when the fashion industry was promoting a new fad that found its way into the workplace.

Behavior

Why Do People Behaving Badly Overshadow People Behaving Honorably?

Role models are people who inspire us, people we look up to with admiration and for direction. They are the pillars of society—people who are raised to prominence by their celebrity status, by their business acumen and philanthropy, by their achievements in social or political circles, by their success in the realms of sport and entertainment, and sometimes by a single life-changing event. To honor that role they massage their image by being mindful of their behavior. Unfortunately, they are overshadowed by the bad behavior of those who fail to live up to their role model status. After all, bad behavior frequently gains more notoriety and fame; and television exploits such behavior for ratings. For example, whenever a celebrity or prominent individual behaves badly (and some do, and they realize it, and they even apologize), we have talk show hosts who use that opportunity to add more kindling to the fire to enhance their ratings. What is wrong with this picture? It is like a wound that just keeps getting picked at so the sore stays open and will not heal. Society needs to heal its wounds so it can move on.